THE CHALLENGES OF BEING A CAREGIVER TO AGING PARENT
Parents are living longer these days and with that longevity come care issues for adult children who ultimately end up becoming caregivers. This is especially challenging for working adult children who become conflicted with the need to care for aging parents while maintaining employment, expanding their careers and still raising a family.
This was not such a challenge a few short decades ago when the majority of women were full time homemakers. However, times have changed. With so many women in the workforce today, husbands are now having to pitch in to assist with the caregiving of aging parents. In addition, with today’s smaller American family, there are fewer siblings to participate in that care. With federal and state budgets cutting funds for caregiving and with institutional care being so expensive, the burden of caregiving directly impacts the family.
A 2024-2025 poll by the University of Michigan found that about 30% of people in their 50s and early 60s report they provide care to at least one person with a health condition or disability. In a broader sense, when considering adults age 50-80, the same poll reports 54% have helped an adult age 65 or older with health care tasks in the past two years. Among all family caregivers of older adults, adult children remained the single largest group- accounting for almost 45% of caregivers.
Caregivers face the grim reality of providing or coordinating the around the clock 24/7 care for their aging parents. They also face the grim reality of trying to balance that care with the demands of employment at a time when employers are not yet so sensitive to those dilemmas and their subsequent loss of productivity. It’s a huge and costly dilemma for all parties concerned. It’s a role they’re often thrust into with little training or support and no compensation.
Research from the Sloan Center on Aging indicates that adult caregivers report more stress and depression than those who aren’t caregivers. The AARP reports that 40-70% of caregivers have clinical symptoms of depression with 25% of those being severely depressed. If you find yourself a depressed caregiver, be sure to discuss this with your primary care provider. You can’t be an effective caregiver for your parents or your children if you yourself are not well.
With all that being said, how can family caregivers advocate for themselves when they find themselves as the primary caregiver for aging parents? When dealing with employers, share your situation with them and emphasize the fact that you are committed to your job and that you can balance both roles while caring for your family. Have a conversation about how you can resolve work restraints in a mutually acceptable way, such as working from home, taking unpaid (or paid) leave, leaving early and making up time, working through lunch, etc.
Share your situation with friends and see if they can offer some respite on occasion. Return the favor by offering to babysit, providing a meal, performing a task at their home, etc.
Solicit input and guidance from siblings who live in or out of town and establish expectations for total family involvement in the caregiving or coordination of that care.
Solicit input and guidance from other family members.
Share your situation with your clergy.
Seek out community caregiving resources on the internet. There are online blogging communities for every situation imaginable.
Speak with you primary care provider about caregiving resources.
Seek out respite through local houses of worship, the American Red Cross, or organizations that deal with illnesses your loved one may suffer with, such as the Multiple Sclerosis Society, the American Lung Association, the American Cancer Society, the Muscular Dystrophy Association, the Lymphoma and Leukemia Association, The Alzheimer’s Association, etc.
Seek out social services provided by local houses of worship, hospitals, clinics, etc
Seek out senior day care centers which provide caregiving services.
Good Luck to you! And remember... take care of yourself!
To get more information regarding alternative care for your loved ones:
Caregiving Books: Below is a list of recommended readings for caregivers.
A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier
by Patricia R. Callone
Alzheimer's Early Stages: First Steps for Family, Friends and Caregivers
by Daniel Kuhn
The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff
by Hall, J.
Caring for Your Parents by Delehanty, H. & Ginzler, E.
Always On Call: When Illness Turns Families Into Caregivers, by Levine, C.
Caregiving: The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss and Renewal
by: Witrogen McLeod, B.
Love, Honor & Value by: Mintz, S.
Consumer Reports Complete Guide to Health Services for Seniors
by: Lieberman, T.
Helping Yourself Help Others: A Book for Caregivers , by Carter, R.
& Thou Shalt Honor…The Caregiver's Companion by Witrogen McLeod, B
The Loss of Self: A Family Resource for the Care of Alzheimer's Disease and Related Disorders Revised Edition, by Cohen, D. and Eisdorfer, C.
Caregiving: A Step-By-Step Resource for Caring for People with Cancer at Home
by Houts, P.S., Bucher, J., Nezu, A.M.
Cerebral Palsy: A Complete Guide for Caregiving, by Miller, F. and Bachrach, S.J.
Helping Someone With Mental Illness: A Compassionate Guide for Family , Friends, and Caregivers, by Carter, R.
Parkinson's Disease: A Complete Guide for Patients and Families
by Weiner, W.J., Shulman, L.M., Lang, A.E.
Caring for the Parkinson's Patient: A Practical Guide
by Hutton, J.T., Dippel, R.L., Slewett, N.
Protect Your Parents and Their Finanical Health…Talk With Them Before It's Too Late, by Richards, S.
The Cost of Caring: Money Skills for Caregivers, by Johnson, A., and Rejnis, R.
From Fear to Faith: A Caregiver's Journey, by Joyce Marie Sheldon
Talking to Alzheimer's: Simple Ways to Connect When You Visit with a Family Member or Friend, By Claudia J. Strauss
Consumer Reports Complete Guide to Health Services for Seniors: What Your Family Needs to Know About Finding and Financing, Medicare, Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, Home Care, Adult Day Care, By Trudy Lieberman
Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy? How to Resolve the Most Common Dilemmas with Aging Parents, By Joseph A. Ilardo and Carole R. Rothman
Complete Idiot's Guide to Caring for Aging Parents , By Linda M. Colvin Rhodes
Share the Care: How to Organize a Group to Care for Someone Who Is Seriously Ill
By Cappy Capossela and Sheila Warnock
The Fearless Caregiver: How to Get the Best Care for Your Loved One and Still Have a Life of Your Own, By Gary Barg (editor)
A Caregiver's Survival Guide: How to Stay Healthy When Your Loved One Is Sick
By Kay Marshall Strom
The Unofficial Guide to Eldercare, By Christine Adamec
The Resourceful Caregiver: Helping Family Caregivers Help Themselves
By National Family Caregivers Association Staff
Who Moved My Dentures?, By Anthony Cirillo
Aging America Resource Guide
A comprehensive guide created to address all major issues dealt with by caregivers today. Visit www.agingusa.com and enter 13616 when purchasing the book.
Caregiver's Soup for the Soul
A poignant edition of this popular line of books that shares the wit and wisdom of ` caregivers.
The 36-Hour Day, By Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins - a book specific for caregivers who are providing support and care to loved ones with Alzheimer's disease.
Caring for Yourself While Caring for Your Aging Parents, By Claire Berman - addresses the struggles and triumphs of the caregiving journey through personal tales.
How to Find Great Senior Housing, By Dr. Phyllis Staff
Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent, By Grace Lebow
Caring for Your Parents - the Complete AARP Guide, By Mary Pipher
The Complete Eldercare Planner, By Joy Loverde
How to Care for Your Aging Parents, By Virginia Morris
You and Your Aging Parent, By Barbara Silverstone & Helen Hyman
Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain or Our Elders, By Mary Pipher
How to Care for Your Parents, By Nora Jean Levin
The Best is Good Enough, By Vivian Greenberg
Elder Rage or Take My Father…Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents
By J. Marcell
Quick Tips for Caregivers, By Marion Karpinski
How to Talk to Your Senior Parents about Really Important Things By Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, M. Ed.
The Comfort of Home: An Illustrated Step-by-Step Guide for Caregivers By Maria M Meyer & Paula Derr, RN
